Let me be straight with you: if you’ve ever Googled “how to get shredded in 2 weeks,” “six pack overnight,” or “is it cheating if it’s just a little bit of testosterone?” — you’re not alone.

In fact, you’re in fantastic company. That company includes most of the internet, your neighbour who swears they’re just “naturally vascular,” and possibly that bloke at the gym who seems to get bigger every time he blinks. But here’s the truth: shortcuts in fitness are like supermarket sushi — looks decent at first, but you’ll probably regret it later.

Yeah, I’m totally natural mate. It’s all heavy lifting and carnivore diet.

I Get the Temptation

You’ve been dieting, training, resisting the siren song of the office biscuit tin, and then Karen from accounts drops 20 pounds in 3 weeks on some mystery injection and starts strutting around like she’s got a Love Island contract pending.

Meanwhile, you’ve been eating kale, chicken breast, and unseasoned sadness for months and your abs still resemble a bowl of rice pudding. What gives?

That’s when shortcuts start whispering in your ear — steroids, Ozempic, fat burners, laxative teas with marketing written by someone who once read a nutrition label and panicked.

Let’s Talk Steroids

Steroids. Anabolic. Injectable. Oral. Gel. Spray. Hidden in gym shakers like secret potions from Hogwarts.

I’m not here to judge. I understand. You want muscle. You want to walk into a room and make people stare, dogs bark, and light fixtures tremble. Fair enough.

But here’s what no one tells you about those little vials of muscle magic:

• Your crown jewels may disappear.
  Steroids can shrink your testicles faster than a cold plunge in the North Sea. That’s not a metaphor. That’s a heads-up.
• You might start arguing with walls.
  Mood swings are real. One minute you’re Mr Zen, the next you’re squaring up to a dumbbell rack for “disrespecting you.”
• Your hormones can go on strike.
  Your natural testosterone production might pack up and leave like it’s got a better offer elsewhere — and it might not come back.
• You could end up with spots, heart issues, or man-boobs.
  Not exactly the muscle-building side effects most people dream of.
• It’s a shortcut with a toll booth.
  Yes, you might get jacked faster. But when you stop? You risk losing it, especially if you didn’t build habits alongside the gains.

What About Ozempic?

Ah yes, the new golden child of rapid fat loss. Originally meant for type 2 diabetics, Ozempic’s now the unofficial sponsor of celebrity red carpets and office gossip.

Your mate Dave, who used to eat entire pork pies without chewing, is now nibbling on lettuce and “just not that hungry anymore.” Magical, right?

Except…

• It doesn’t teach you anything.
  Sure, your appetite’s vanished. But have you learned how to eat better? Handle cravings? Cook a single meal that doesn’t involve air-fried sadness? Probably not.
• The side effects are brutal.
  Nausea, constipation, vomiting, fatigue. Basically, you feel thin… and like you’ve got food poisoning.
• The rebound is real.
  Come off it, and your appetite might return with a vengeance, like a contestant on Come Dine with Me who’s been starved all week.
• You’re not necessarily healthier.
  Losing weight doesn’t automatically mean you’re thriving. You could be lighter, yes — but weak, tired, and one bad snack away from a binge.

“But It Works, Doesn’t It?”

Look — I get it. You want results. Fast. And these things do work… in the short term.

Steroids build muscle. Ozempic kills appetite. Some supplements even do a half-decent job of revving up your metabolism or helping with cravings.

But here’s the truth: just because something works doesn’t mean it’s right for you — or good for you — or remotely sustainable.

If you took a helicopter to the top of Everest, it wouldn’t make you a mountaineer. It would just make you cold, disoriented, and dangerously underprepared for the trip back down.

Real Progress Is Boring — and That’s Why It Works

Here’s the bit that won’t get me TikTok famous: the real way to change your body and your life is slow, steady, and often about as exciting as a beige rice cake.

But you know what? It works.

• Lift weights with a plan.
• Eat food that supports your goals and your soul.
• Get decent sleep and drink some water.
• Handle stress without yelling at your microwave.

This isn’t rocket science. It’s gardening. You plant a seed, water it, protect it, and stay patient. Then one day — boom — you’re the strongest flower in the patch.

Why Most People Chase Shortcuts

It’s not laziness. It’s frustration.

You’ve tried the diets, the apps, the HIIT, the intermittent fasting, the “coach” on Instagram with the six-pack and suspiciously shiny skin. You feel like nothing works — or worse, that it works for everyone but you.

And then someone offers a shortcut and it feels like the answer to everything.

But often, the problem isn’t you — it’s the system you’ve been following. Or the lack of one. That’s where I come in.

What I Actually Do (Besides Yell “One More Rep!”)

I’m not just here to tell you to squat more and eat fewer biscuits (although I probably will do both of those things).

What I really do is:

• Help you set goals that make sense for your life.
• Show you how to train smart, not just hard.
• Demystify nutrition without turning you into a monk.
• Support you when motivation disappears — because it will.
• Celebrate the little wins, not just the big drops on the scale.
• Keep you off the “shortcuts” and on the right track — with humour, not shame.

If You’re Already on a Shortcut — Don’t Panic

If you’re currently on something — steroid, Ozempic, fat burner, herbal mystery pill — I’m not here to wag a finger or throw shade.

You made a decision based on what you knew, what you felt, and what you wanted. I respect that.

But if you’re now thinking, “This doesn’t feel right,” or “What happens when I stop?” — please know this: it’s never too late to do things differently.

You’re not stuck. You’re not broken. You’re not behind.

You’re just one good choice away from a better direction.

What Actually Works?

I’ve worked with people who’ve tried it all — fad diets, bootcamps, mystery injections, juice cleanses, even something called “fitness vaping” (don’t ask).

And here’s what actually got them results:

• Showing up, even when they didn’t feel like it.
• Eating food they enjoyed — just not all of it in one sitting.
• Moving in ways they could stick to.
• Sleeping better, stressing less, and laughing more.
• Dropping the guilt, the shame, and the all-or-nothing thinking.

TL;DR: (Too Long, Didn’t Roid)

• Steroids might get you jacked, but they can jack you up in the process.
• Ozempic might make you lose weight, but it can also mess with your health, your mindset, and your digestive system.
• Shortcuts aren’t evil — but they’re never the full picture.
• Long-term success is built on boring consistency and learning how to live in your body — not fight against it.
• I’m here to help you do that — with humour, honesty, and zero syringes.

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Ready to do things the sustainable way?

Let’s have a chat. No pressure. No sales pitch. Just a real human conversation about what actually works — and how you can finally stop looking for shortcuts and start getting somewhere.

Unless you say “I just want to tone my belly.” Then I might raise one eyebrow… but only slightly.

Final Thoughts

You’ll probably see future posts on here (after August 2026?) about testosterone levels and HRT – but not until I’m finished competing. I don’t want any doubts in my mind that what I’ve achieved was mostly down to pharmaceutical enhancement…another reason I’m sticking to IBJJF and the gi for now.