As a personal trainer, dad, and part-time grappling enthusiast, I’ve come to know two distinct types of pain: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Spoiler alert: only one of these makes me want to smash my head into a pillow while muttering, “Why, why, why?” And yes, my phone addiction does play a part in this saga, but we’ll circle back to that gem shortly.

Discipline: The Good Kind of Pain (Apparently)

Picture this: it’s 4:25 a.m. My silent watch alarm vibrates away on my wrist, reminding me within my semi-conscious state that my phone – which is across the bedroom – is about to ring with all the subtlety of a brick through a window. My brain immediately presents me with two options. Option one: rise, shine, and begin my meticulously planned morning workout, complete with a cardio warm-up and a strength circuit that’ll make me question every life choice. Option two: hit snooze, wrap myself tighter in my duvet, and convince myself that this is “active rest.” Option two also has the added bonus of having to apologise to my wife for letting me phone wake her up at silly o’clock (again).

Choosing option one is discipline. It’s the kind of pain that demands you show up, sweat, and endure, knowing future-you will silently thank you. And while it doesn’t feel rewarding in the moment (unless your definition of reward involves sweat-stung eyes and shaking muscles), it pays dividends down the line. Whether it’s nailing a BJJ escape that once felt impossible or not pulling a hammy trying to keep up with the kids while zorbing on holiday, that discipline is what makes the difference.

Regret: The Lingering Ache

Then there’s regret. Regret is that smug, lurking pain that only shows up when you’ve chosen the easy way out. It’s when you spend a Sunday evening thinking, “I should’ve trained yesterday” or “I shouldn’t have eaten my bodyweight in chocolate hobnob biscuits.” Regret has an edge—it’s the nagging voice that says, “You could have been better, but you chose not to be.” And trust me, it never whispers; it shouts, loudly, usually right when you’re trying to enjoy a peaceful moment.

The Parent Perspective

As a parent, the pain of regret has a particular sting. Maybe it’s missing a chance to watch them do something they’re excited about, not mustering the interest to pay attention to the ins and out of their latest anime series or zoning out on my phone during family time instead of being present (the phone strikes again). The regret here isn’t just about personal fitness or ambition; it’s the guilt of knowing you could have spent those moments better—more connected, more aware. It’s when my son shows off his latest x-box UFC moves and I realise I missed it because I was glued to a screen, reading about Ten Foods You’ll Never Eat Again After This Article.

The pain of discipline, however, means being present even when you’re knackered from work, grappling sessions, and the whirlwind of life. It’s choosing to put the phone down and commit to playing that board game, knowing that yes, my brain is screaming for a rest, but these moments are fleeting. And guess what? Future-me (and future-kids) will appreciate it far more than I can say.

Overcoming Inertia: Getting Started

So, you want to develop the habit of being more disciplined, in the hope that you’ll have fewer regrets? How then do you overcome the inertia to start this new habit, or stick to your decision to the old habit? Here’s my take:

1. Start Ridiculously Small: If you want to build a habit, make it so small that it’s almost laughable. Want to start exercising? Commit to five push-ups a day. Want to read more? Pick up a book and read one page. The key is momentum. Once you’re moving, even at a glacial pace, it’s easier to keep going.
2. Tie It to an Existing Habit: I once read that if you tie a new habit to an existing one, it’s like piggybacking on a train that’s already on the move. For instance, every morning after brushing your teeth, do those five push-ups. Or, in my case, every time I reach for my phone, I try to remember to grab my cup of tea instead. Progress, not perfection.
3. Accountability is Your Friend: Whether it’s a gym buddy, a spouse, or your child reminding you, “Dad, you said you’d train today,” external accountability works wonders. If someone else is expecting you to show up, it’s harder to come up with an excuse that won’t sound flimsy even to yourself.
4. Be Ready for Resistance: The internal chatter will try to convince you that starting tomorrow is just as good as starting today. It’ll remind you that you’re tired, busy, or just “deserve” a break. Discipline is telling that voice to shove it and starting anyway.

Quitting the Bad Stuff (Like Alcohol… and Screens)

Now, I learned last month that I can indeed live without alcohol. October came and went without so much as a wistful glance at a pint glass, and I discovered that the world doesn’t end when you sip tea at a social event. My mornings were clearer, my training sharper, and I didn’t miss the occasional post-drink grogginess. Easy victory, right?

But here’s the kicker: my phone was my real challenge. If alcohol was the occasional tempting devil, my phone was the ever-present goblin yelling, “Scroll more!” It turns out, fighting the urge to pick up that glowing slab and lose myself in mindless browsing was where my real test of discipline lay. But that’s a story for another day.

Discipline for BJJ Practitioners and Gym-Goers

In BJJ, the pain of discipline is felt when drilling the same armbar a hundred times until it becomes second nature. It’s the extra rounds when you’re already knackered, but you go anyway because you know that’s where progress happens. The pain of regret? That’s when you skip a session, and your training partner pulls off that same armbar on you next week while you mutter, “I really should’ve practised that.”

For gym-goers, it’s the difference between showing up for that leg day you dread and regretting it later when you realise skipping it again has left your upper body looking suspiciously like a Dorito.

The Choice is Yours

Ultimately, whether it’s staying active with the kids, training hard for a BJJ comp, or just sticking to good habits, we all face the choice between the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. One builds you up, the other tears you down slowly. The choice, however, is yours.

So this November, whilst continuing the last two months of this “bulking phase”, I’ve got some additional new habits to stack:

• Train BJJ at least 3 times per week between now and the new year, when competition training starts (with my club closed for the next month, that will have to be elsewhere)
• Post and ghost – I will continue to post regularly, and blog weekly, but no more mindless scrolling
• Audiobooks instead of podcasts – I normally get through a book a week during my commute time…so why not make it two?

And if you see me zoning out on my phone next month, feel free to remind me: “The pain of discipline, mate!”

Reminder – 2025 Will Soon Be Here!!!

I’m not taking on any more clients until January 2025, but will still be offering free consultations between now and then to those clients committing to working with me from January.

Contact me through this webpage to organise your free initial consultation, then hit the ground running with me in January. Both in-person and live streaming sessions are available, and if the distance means you can’t get here, or I can’t get to you, a third option is signing up to use my app.